I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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