The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
