I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
