In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
