my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
