Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
