I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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