She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize