Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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