3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
