That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I have already put on my inside pants.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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