Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
