...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
