is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
