Barsexuality is the new black.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
