No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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