last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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