I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
