So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
