maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
