She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
