I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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