Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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