the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Randomize
