i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
