I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Randomize
