decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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