You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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