i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
