When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
