my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
