she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
