I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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