I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
