going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
