I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
