really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize