mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Banned from zoo.
Again?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
