I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
