Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
