I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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