just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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