Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
