So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You ruined the universe
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
