he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
