if you like me you must not know who I am
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
