just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
