I need help removing her.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
