Umm I'm too high to move.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize