I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
