It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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