Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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