if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize