Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
