I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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