I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
