I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
