i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
