I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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