i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
