White coat. Heels.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
