nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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