She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
