seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Randomize
