just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
