People with herpes should wear stickers.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
