So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
